Being a good friend to someone who’s going through a difficult divorce isn’t easy. You get to listen to all the complaints, whining, and crying 24/7 without any hope for making it stop. Overwhelmed, you can even blurt out, “Oh, stop it! You’ve had break-ups but life didn’t end there. Pull yourself together!” And while there’s a grain of truth in these words, they can be extremely painful and destructive for your divorcing friend.
Getting through a divorce is nothing like a routine break-up with a random partner. Many therapists say that the grief a person experiences during a divorce is similar to when a family member passes away. Not only do you lose the closest person in the world, but your entire lifestyle also turns upside down. It’s normal to be worried about how to make it on your own after divorce. In addition to the emotional rollercoaster, financial and household challenges often come into play, and a friend’s support can be important and desired as never.
How to Support a Divorcing Friend?
There’s no single recipe that would fit every divorce situation. Someone may want to simply vent out their feelings. Someone would need extra hands to deal with post-divorce arrangements. Others, however, may struggle with starting over financially after divorce. So, some help with accommodation or an odd job would be much appreciated.
But how do you know what a friend needs right now?
Be around. In different people, divorce causes a different emotional response. Some may crave company and communication. Others will prefer to retrieve in their shell and hide from the world so no one could see their pain. Whatever the case is, be the shoulder your friend can lean on. A short, soft message saying that you’re here when your friend needs you can save them from depression.
Ask if they need help. Just don’t make it a “simply polite question”. If you’re offering help, make sure you’re ready to act. Starting over after divorce with no money is challenging. Your friend may need a nanny for the kids while they’re looking for a job. Or extra hands to help them move to a new apartment. Be aware of your friend’s needs and you’ll know what kind of support is required right now.
Stay informed about your friend’s divorce progress. Bearing the burden of divorce is always easier when there’s a friend helping you out. You might not be the best divorce lawyer in town, but staying tuned about the situation can help you come in when it’s needed. As a friend, you may protect the divorcer from hasty decisions. Or recommend expert help. Even, make some arrangements so that starting over with nothing after divorce wasn’t that hard for them. Don’t be afraid to ask but remain tactful. You don’t want to reopen old sores.
Comments to Avoid When Your Friend is Getting Divorced
However, if you want to be the worst friend ever, teach your divorcing friend life, ignore their pain, neglect their needs, and compare them to others or yourself. Comments like “Divorce isn’t the end of the world” will only show your lack of empathy and unwillingness to deal with your friend’s problems. Furthermore, they can become the final nail in the coffin causing your friend to fall deeper into depression.
Here’s the list of top comments and texts you should never say to someone who’s getting a divorce:
“You’ll live!” Of course, they will. But do you really have to be so heartless?
“I’ve had worse” Divorce may really be nothing like going through a deadly disease but your friend may be suffering as much right now.
“I told you he/she wasn’t a good fit for you!” A sense of guilt definitely won’t help your friend recover after divorce.
“Let’s go find you someone!” It may really seem like a good distraction for a divorcing person. But in fact, this idea is fraught with new pain and hurt self-esteem, if not worse. Starting a new relationship before you recover from the old one isn’t the best advice you can give to a friend.
“You just don’t see how lucky you are!” Your friend’s spouse might have done them a favor. But making a fool out of your friend for not seeing this isn’t quite supportive. Starting over after divorce with no money is hard and scary. So it’s understandable why so many benefits of a single life aren’t that obvious for your friend.
If you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings even more, please, avoid similar comments.
Text Messages to Cheer Up a Divorcing Friend
A few warm words of understanding and compassion, on the other hand, can help your friend move on sooner. Here’s what you can say to show your love and support:
1. “Call me if you need to vent out.”
2. “You’re not alone. Know that I’m always here for you.”
3. “I can take a day off to stay with the kids if you need.”
4. “Don’t worry about anything. We’ll get through this together.”
5. “My couch is at your service. Stay as long as you need.”
6. “Do you want to get drunk? Drinks on me.”
7. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
8. “You must be devastated right now. If you need a shoulder to cry on, let me know”
9. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you two.”
10. “You know I love you, right?”
Filing for divorce in Texas online may protect your friend from extra expenses. But it won’t save them from the pain of losing someone special. When it comes to breaking up a spouse, the complexity of the process is usually the least of the problems.
However, as a friend, you can make all these problems a little less unbearable. Even if you’re far away, send a warm, supportive text to show your friend they can count on you. Sometimes, it’s all that matters.